Without Reason: A Spiraling Fates Side Story
by Mintaka
Summary: Taking place around Chapter 8 of Spiraling Fates my fic, Ruprecht is left to dwell on things as he recovers from his injuries. SO2 spoilers somewhat.


**Without Reason: A Spiraling Fates Side Story**

By D. "Mintaka" Peal

Author's Note: While it's been over three years since I last addressed the topics of my fanfiction, I must admit I missed it in some ways. Revisiting, I find myself drawn perhaps once more to work, although not nearly at the maddened pace I used to walk. However, this won't stop me from poking along as I can - after all, I dislike abandoning things. And it's not for a lack of ideas. So with this, I reopen the gates and hopefully look to walk ahead with writing once more.

This fic is going to focus on Ruprecht, during Spiraling Fates where he is caught between loyalties, and reflecting on the past as well. Set around when he was resting and recovering from Cyril's attack. Those who've read SF should know well, those who haven't - this one ties in pretty strongly. So go read it! All 24+ chapters and counting!

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It was somewhere in the pre-dawn darkness he found himself awake again. Being awake was still an unjoyful torture to his existence, still feeling the pain and repercussions of the assault. Healing took time, and he'd wished he could remain out completely during it - Cyril had no mercy when he struck, and his body was not particularly prepared to undo the damage done.

Had he not had such intervention on the part of Ashton, he'd likely be dead now - and rightfully should have been for what he did, and how he felt. Not only was this a betrayal to the other Wise Men, but also to Lantis -- and indirectly perhaps, Filia.

"Filia..." Ruprecht sighed quietly into the darkness, closing his eyes against the memory of her visage. He rebelled against those memories, of the time before all went wrong, all changed... and before she had changed, too. Not much, but something was different about her in her last days, something which had changed her she refused to let known to him. In hindsight it stung more, not knowing why she had acted differently, and been more jumpy even around him.

But she had been killed, much too young and unjustly. And he had been furious, ragingly angry, and took up Lantis' cause even then. Turning against those they were to protect for her death, and eventually being sealed away and sent off who knew where...

They'd come here, then, to Expel, and would have revenge on the Nedians soon enough. It would be soon enough that they were all in anticipation. Little did they care for the people who called this world home - it was a way to where they meant to go. But he... he had been out, recon and all, and among these people. With the rest of the team - Jibril and Nicolus - he'd been out. Being the one most able to blend in, he'd been among them interacting to find out all he could. And this, in a way, had become a downfall.

It was how he was here now... having had second thoughts about the mission, and about the fate of these people. And worse - having a growing attachment of friendship to one of those who sought to throw off the plan? It was no surprise when Cyril acted as he did - as the second in command rightfully should have. Ruprecht didn't fault his brother in the least for it. But that didn't stop the emotional turmoil caused by the entire situation.

He couldn't tell Ashton to forget it, to just let him die - the Expellian would hear nothing off that, having risked his life for him. What was it, exactly then, that drove them that the other Wise Men seemed to lack? That he seemed to possess in a limited form, some vague understanding of the range of emotions.

What would he do now? Surely there was no returning to the Tower now - he'd be killed on sight by any of them - if not Cyril, certainly any of the others under Decus, or even Indalecio himself. He shuddered slightly and winced at the renewed pain. Thinking of suffering under Indalecio's wrath gave him room to seriously consider that course of action as a bad idea. Much as he felt he deserved death for his betrayal ... that was not exactly what he wanted to face. Just a quick, merciful death would suffice. One which would lead him away from the painful memories that lingered, danced in the shadows, and also vividly took the stage and tormented him now. Cyril's pure anger, the wrath of the Second ...

Filia would have had more compassion, more feeling. Would have forgiven him so much more easily, and comforted him; brought him back to his place. But no, there was none of that now - he was a lost lamb, with no flock and no place, taken in out of pity.

Useless emotions, they were, that made him feel these things, made him grow attached. Why him, why was he the one to suffer and 'fall' - to be changed so by this world? Was it a flaw in Lantis' plan, or something greater? Was this 'weakness' in the others, a potential exploit or failure point of them all? Was he not alone in this? He shoved the questions form his mind miserably, knowing that there was no such flaw in the others. It simply made no sense to him that he should be here now, having such feelings.

He sighed quietly again, shifting carefully into a more comfortable position. Why did Ashton have to step in? Why couldn't he have just been allowed to die, and not tormented like this in his existence? Left to question all the things, and left with the guilt.

_Because he's mortal, and prone to the cares and emotions most of the Wise men seem to lack._ The answer was through his mind before he had realized it, and he frowned slightly as he lay there, seeing the slight fade of dark going to light as dawn crept forward slowly. Then what was he, that he should feel such things too?

The questions perplexed, seemed to crack walls and barriers long held still. They refused to fall however, leaving him wanting to know more, to understand. There were things that felt incomplete as he lay there, things with answers he should have that he lacked.

There were things simply about the Wise Men too, that did not add up as the thought on it, but could not find reason nor rhyme on why he could not speak answers.

He and his brother had been chosen for the project, among eight others - and been experimented on to become the salvation Nede needed. He had grown fond of Filia, yes - but had lost sight of such emotion - as well as care, and other more 'positive' attributes - after her death. He had figured it was only logical after you lost someone you loved, but... why then had it taken so long until now to resurface? And not about her?

There were holes in other matters regarding them all - flickering memories of things that had been he could not entirely grasp. There were questions without answers, actions without reasons. Cyril's desires were misplaced, malformed, born of bitterness and dislike ... yet one would have felt Lantis would have removed such. Were they then not as perfect as preached, as told? And he, being one of the lesser, the first to 'crack and fall' and fail? Was Lantis' great plan a mistake?

Turning against Nede ... it had been sprung by Filia's death. Lantis had not been the only one outraged, Ruprecht had, and many of the others had reservations and issues with it all. Cyril had remained oddly quiet over the matter, and Ruprecht had never extracted an answer from his brother about that - nor had any others he trusted manage to ever find out. Even Vesper had been unable to neither give a reason nor find one from Cyril, and assured Ruprecht that all was alright.

Vesper at least seemed the more reasonable one of all of them - level headed and calculating, able to process anything. That there was something even Vesper could not figure out left him wondering all the more whether there had been great holes in the plan of Lantis' or simply that their 'human' roots were not completely gone.

That struck a cord then - yet it still was not a complete answer. Cyril showed no vestiges of what he had once been - although even before the choosing, they had issues. He remembered that much, yet after all the experimentations, he seemed cool, distant and aloof. Emotionless, almost, aside form negative feelings that lingered at being placed second to Indalecio.

Indalecio was the perfection of the project, the last one. He showed to flaws, no problems that many of the others could be accused of - certainly in the case of Decus one could cite many, many problems... Shigeo had an oddity to his speech among other things... yes, they had their quirks and flaws. Indalecio either masked these well, or lacked them. Lantis had taken extra care perhaps with him - but then the question lingered ... why?

He was reminded then of his injuries as his leg burned with pain at the barest movement. _Cyril..._ reminded again of his brother, he frowned. His brother going off at him for his 'relations' with the Expellians... actions taken he may not have had permission about? Was Indalecio made to head off potential problems with Cyril that Lantis saw? It gave Ruprecht pause to dwell on that, seeing his brother in a potentially new light. One that was seen as a threat perhaps, and needing dealt with without removal. He'd seen some positive reasons for Cyril, and even now they made sense... yet the entire matter seemed without reason. If Cyril had been a problem, despite his attributes, why keep him?

Of course, the same question could easily be asked of him, and he sank into the bed a bit more. Reminded again of his failures he sighed. He needed answers desperately, that he was likely not going to get any time - sooner or later. Going headlong back in wasn't a good recourse - more so having been saved by 'the enemy' it'd likely be a fatal course of action. What was left? He'd been betrayed by Cyril, and had some measure of attachment to Ashton whether he wanted to admit that or not - that thing called 'friendship' he'd heard so often before.

But, was that reciprocated, or was he deluding himself? Ashton putting his life on the line to intervene seemed to suggest that perhaps it was a mutual friendship - that he had a chance of continuing on with Ashton. He couldn't be alone - not with Cyril around ... well, he could, but who else would help him were his brother to attack?

What was worse, any of the others together, or even Indalecio coming after him? Likely, they wouldn't bother further as a group - there was too much happening so close to the Nede arrival. Would Indalecio bother, or simply leave him?

The people of Expel needed help, that much eh was certain off. This group he'd observed - they were fighting to stop Expel's suffering. Wouldn't it make sense then to help them, if they'd accept it? These thoughts lingered as he slipped back into sleep as the sun slowly kissed the dark sky with its light.


End file.
